Have you ever felt the weight of ‘judgment’ come down on you?
Have you ever been upset, frustrated, or irritated by what others say and think about your actions and decisions in life?
Have you ever wanted to run away from pressures from loved ones and family because they don ‘t approve of your actions?
Ever been the judge… and judge others for things you feel are ‘wrong’.
Sure you have!
If you are human and live on planet earth, you will know about judgments all too well.
If judgment bothers you, has ever knocked you off course from who you really are or you have dished out your fair share…. then this blog is for you my friend!
Read on and be amazed at how releasing judgments from your life is going to change your life around for the better…
I have had to deal with some pretty harsh judgments from family …. and get ‘flack’ about my integrity by people who don’t even know me… because I have created a website and blog devoted to finding, being, living and speaking YOUR truth.
Of course, I am on this journey too and everything I write about I have struggled with, lived through or not yet come to terms with. I am pretty opaque about my own struggles and I do not advocate that I have it all together. Nor do I claim that I have conquered my own truth and I certainly do not have all the answers to life.
Still, people will judge me, simply because it is not about me but rather about them and their own struggles.
It took me most of my life to really understand this and get it lol!
People will judge you – always – and constantly throughout your life. You are NEVER going to be able to stop that, so there is no point even trying to stop it. That is like trying to get healthy by adding vitamins to your poop (thank you, Melody Fletcher, for that one!).
You can not fix a problem once it has already materialized. However, you can change how you deal with judgments and accept what this amazing emotion is trying to teach you about yourself.
When people judge you it is never about you!
It is always, always, always about them putting their self-evaluation onto you. You simply triggered it, by being who you are, and being bold enough to be yourself no matter what. Which is totally awesome!
The same is true when you judge someone. Think of someone wearing the most outrageous outfit, crazy colours, layers and crazy chaotic fabrics and… OMG! they actually wear that wild outfit to the office!
Other people might think of this wild outfit as a complete revelation, the cutting edge of trendy and genius creativity.
Your judgment of that person has nothing to do with them at all!
It has everything to do with what you think they should or shouldn’t wear.
Now, you may not know exactly what is acceptable to wear at the moment, all you know is that what they are wearing right now is not acceptable – TO YOU!
It is the SAME when others judge you.
Whatever judgment is being passed on you has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with the person judging you and their opinion about what you should be like or how you should be acting.
How you react to judgment is important!
When you react to judgment (ie it bothers you) or you succumb to it, you are saying that the opinion of the people judging you has more weight and more value than who you really are as a person.
That is not a healthy message to send to your subconscious and wrecks havoc on your self-esteem!
How to Free Yourself from Judgement
Every time you judge someone (which means you are putting your opinion onto someone else) you perpetuate the cycle of judgment.
If you judge someone for their clothes or anything really, you will naturally be expecting others to be judging you for the very same things. Because it is obviously a sensitive issue for you otherwise it would not even come up in your radar.
For example, do you notice or judge the number of knots per square inch that is put into a carpet? Having more knots per square inch in a carpet makes for a better quality carpet. However, if you are not a carpet maker, you would likely not know or even be interested in this information or the skill involved in making a handmade carpet.
On the other hand, a weaver of carpets would be very sensitive to this type of information and skill, and they would, therefore, judge other carpet weavers on this skill. It is something they would judge on their peers, and in turn, would fear being judged on.
You are only afraid of being judged on the things that you yourself judge upon others.
The less you judge others, the less you will expect to be judged by others, and the freer you will feel.
Judging the Judge
When you react to someone who is judging you, you are essentially judging the person who is judging you!
Crazy but True!
It is all still judgment.
So to go back to our carpet example… someone judges you about how you are weaving your carpet. You are sensitive to this and so you then react to their judgments… which means you are just as crazily fixated on this, as they are. In fact, you are now perpetuating this cycle of judgment and so it goes around and around, making everyone miserable.
Instead, see judgment as something that is actually alerting you to something you need to release. Celebrate the person who judges you for showing you how well aligned you are with your true self.
If their judgment doesn’t bother you – awesome!!!! You are rocking and rolling and embracing the real you. Keep vibrating on a high vibe and going on being the beautiful soul you are, happily immune to judgment from others.
If however, their judgment of you even remotely frustrates you, let it go, thank them for alerting you to the fact that you have obviously gone off track a bit from knowing who you really are. This is a sign that you need to get back on track, get realigned with the real you, and celebrate the beautiful person you are… no matter what anyone says.
Change Your Perception
It isn’t easy to just let this stuff go, I understand that completely. I have displayed to myself some of the biggest failures in this department.
Oh… how I have ranted and raved about the injustices of people who have judged me. I have had serious meltdowns over this (says a lot about how I was obviously judging others – ewwwww… ouch!)
Furthermore, when you see something that isn’t normal – in your world – how do you then not notice that?! It’s too late… what do you do? Get a lobotomy and pretend you didn’t see it?
How do you not think about the thing that you are trying to not think about!
As soon as you pick it up on your radar, you are reacting to it lol!
Ok, so this is what you do…
Replace Judgement with Curiosity
You basically replace an old habit, with a new habit. So you are replacing rejection (weirdness) with acceptance (oh that is interesting).
What is normal to you is simply commonplace. It’s predictable, a known quantity.
When you see something ‘abnormal’ you judge it because it doesn’t fit into your world view (which by the way is probably VERY limited!).
That is why you need to embrace change and celebrate those people who live on the WILD side. Celebrate and love those people who do not conform and who do things ‘differently’.
They are forever expanding your perception of things; freely and heroically shattering your limited views. Yayyyy to weird, wild, and woolly people out there!
When you see something you judge, see it as a curiosity instead.
Make it less ’foreign’ so it can fit into your worldview. The only way to make it less foreign is to learn, which means you admit you don’t know it all, and so if you are open to learning, you are looking at new things with curiosity (rather than judgment).
This famous quote about judgment from the bible will make more sense to you now.
‘Judge not, and you will not be judged.’
Let others be who they are! And you will receive that in return.
When you judge others, it means you yourself are not free from such judgments.
Stop the cycle and accept instead of reject and see your whole world change for the better!
Please leave a comment if any of this helps or makes sense to you. We have all been crushed at one time or another by judgments from others AND humble up and know you have likely crushed someone with your judgments of them. Ha!
Love those people who are resistant to your judgments.
I hope that this blog helps to put things into perspective and helps you to embrace who you really are, shamelessly and beautifully – BE YOU!