The Truth About Judgement – Darice Cairns. Why People Judge?
Darice Cairns
The Art of Finding Truth, One Man's Journey Through Love, Life, Grief and Joy

Ever wondered why people judge others?

Have you ever been upset, frustrated, or irritated by what others say and think about your actions and decisions in life?

Have you ever wanted to run away from pressures from loved ones and family because they keep judging your actions and decisions?

Ever been the judge and judged others for things you feel are ‘wrong’?

Sure, you have!

If you are human and live on planet earth, you will know about judgments all too well.

If judgment bothers you and has ever knocked you off course from who you are or you have dished out your fair share of judgements, then this blog is for you.

My Experience with Judgement

I  have had to deal with some pretty harsh judgments from family and get ‘flack’ about my integrity by people who don’t even know me… because I have created a website and blog devoted to finding, being, living and speaking YOUR truth.

I am on a journey of self-knowledge, and everything I write about I have struggled with, lived through or not yet come to terms with.  I am pretty opaque about my struggles, and I do not advocate that I have all the answers.  I like you – I am not perfect.  And I certainly do not have all the answers to life.

Still, people will judge because it is not about me but about them and their struggles or ignorance.

Why People Judge

People will judge you – always – and it will continue throughout your life.  You are NEVER going to stop that, so there is no point even trying to stop it.

People judge for one of two reasons;

  1. Their judgements are actually saying more about them than you, so something has triggered them, a weakness in themselves that they see in your, so they judge YOU for it. It sets them free to pass this insecurity that they feel onto you.  Yet, they would never see it that way.

OR

2.  They are judging about something or someone that they know absolutely nothing about. They are ill-informed and ignorant.  They think they know your situation, they judge you for it, and they actually know nothing or very little about you and the situation.

Furthermore, passing judgment on others can become a habit, a terrible habit that keeps the people doing the judging stuck in their own ruts.

1) When Judgements come from insecure people

Judgements are actually saying more about the person putting their self-evaluation onto you.  You triggered it by being who you are and being bold enough to be yourself no matter what.

A woman, is blocking her face by stretching out her palm in front of the camera.

Insecurities can be one of the 2 main causes for people to judge others.

The same is true when you judge someone.  Think of someone wearing the most outrageous outfit, crazy colours, layers and crazy chaotic fabrics and, OMG! They wear that wild outfit to the office!

Other people might think of this wild outfit as a complete revelation, the cutting edge of trendy and genius creativity.

But you hate it! Something inside of you is really irritated by what this person is wearing.   So you pass a cutting judgement to this person about what they are wearing.  Your judgment of that person has nothing to do with them at all!  It has everything to do with your own insecurities.

So why should that matter to you anyway?    What others do, wear or say is their right and not yours.

2) When Judgments come from ignorant or ill-informed people

When a person passes judgment on someone or something, they know NOTHING or very little about the situation or the person they are passing judgment on.  They are ill-informed, yet they think they know it all. Their conceited attitudes can be heartless and often cruel.

People who judge from a place of ignorance usually forget about their judgments almost immediately and carry on with life. Yet, their judgements can be like poison to the people they hurt.  But they don’t care.

A young ignorant woman with long black hair is insulting and giving the camera the finger.

Ignorance.  Pixabay.

How to Deal with Judgements from Other People

If someone judges you and it upsets or bothers you, you admit that the opinion of that person – who is either ignorant or insecure – has more weight and more value than who you are as a person.

Sometimes we react or feel upset by a judgment because we may have been dealing with similar past issues, which are now lying dormant within us.  When a judgment comes, it may bring these unresolved upsets to the surface, and you feel the punch. But it doesn’t mean that this person’s judgment of you is ‘true.’

You needed to release this buried issue/s that was bothering you once and for all.  In this case, thank the person who passed judgment on you out of ignorance as you can release it.

a black and white photo of a pair of feet in chains.

Don’t let other peoples’ judgments of you define you.  You are way more than that!  Pixabay

How to Free Yourself from the Cycle of Judgement

If you judge someone for their clothes or anything for that matter, you will naturally be expecting others to be judging you for the very same thing. Because it is a sensitive issue for you; otherwise, it would not have bothered you in the first place.

For example, do you notice or judge the number of knots per square inch in a handmade carpet?  Having more knots per square inch in a rug makes for a better quality carpet.  However, if you are not a carpet maker, you would likely not know or be interested in this information or the skill involved in making a handmade carpet.

On the other hand, a weaver of carpets would be very sensitive to this type of information and skill, and they would judge other carpet weavers on this skill.  It is something they would equally judge on their peers.

The less you judge others, the less you will expect to be judged by others, and the freer you will feel.

Judging the Judge

Here is the judgment cycle;  let’s go back to our carpet example. Someone judges you about how you are weaving your carpet.  You are sensitive to this, and so you then react to other people’s judgments, which means you are just as crazily fixated on this as they are.  You are now perpetuating this cycle of judgment, and so it goes around and around, making everyone miserable.

If a judgment upsets you, see it as alerting you to something you need to release.  Celebrate the person who judges you for triggering you to see how you are out of alignment with your true self.

Change Your Perception: Replace Judgement with Curiosity

Judgement is a form of rejection.  For whatever reason, you reject something when you judge it, and you verbalize this by passing judgment on it.

We can try to stop judging others by replacing ‘rejection or judgment’ with ‘acceptance.’

A puppy is standing up and looking curiously at a kitten who is sitting and looking upwards away from the puppy.

Instead of rejecting or judging what you see, accept it with curiosity. Pixabay

Let me explain… When you see something ‘abnormal,’ you judge it because it doesn’t fit your world view.

That signifies that you could benefit from embracing change and celebrating those who live on the WILD side. Celebrate and love those people who do not conform and who do things ‘differently

People pass judgements on other people for various things such as parenting styles, ways of living, how people talk, how people spend their time or money… but really all of these ways people do things are probably unique and different from how you would do them..’

People who do things differently are forever expanding our perception of things, freely and heroically shattering our limited views.  Celebrate the weird, wild, and woolly people out there!

When you see something, and you are ready to judge it or them, see it as a curiosity instead.

Make it less ‘foreign’ so it can fit into your worldview.  The only way to make it less foreign is to learn, which means you admit you don’t know it all, and so if you are open to learning, you are looking at new things with curiosity (rather than judgment).  Read the blog by Liz. How to Free yourself from the Fear of Judgement.

Conclusion

Let others be who they are! And you will receive that in return.

When you judge others, it means you do not know it all, or you have insecurities about the very thing you are judging in others.  By judging, you also set yourself up to be judged in return. Yuk! What a vicious disempowering cycle!

Stop the cycle and accept instead of reject, and see your whole world changed for the better!

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4 thoughts on “The Truth About Judgement

  1. Thank you for your comments Behzad. There are many ways to deal with judgement including what you suggest, however, if you really want to stop the cycle of judgement, you have to rise above it all and be who you are, shamelessly be that which you are and you should not even have to defend yourself. If not, then some small part of you is in some way, affected by what the judges are saying about you. That only fuels more judgements and can potentially make the situation worse. I am suggesting here a way to stop the entire cycle. At the end of the day we will all do what we feel led to do, but it is not our job to correct others, that is for them to deal with.

  2. Very nice blog, I like the way you took the carpet as an example. But somehow I do not agree when asking not to judge who judging you. You have to stand for yourself and give them answer otherwise those people they feel they are right and with your silent, you actually permit them to come after you and hunt you as they were doing.

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