Have you ever wondered what the Emotional Scale is and why it is important to understand?
Have you ever felt uncomfortable feeling your emotions?
Do you consider emotions to be a grey area of confusion?
Have you ever been stunned at how your emotions just take over leaving you feeling lost and exhausted?
Would you like to have more control over your emotions and use them constructively to heal yourself?
If any of these ring a chord with you then read on my friend, cause this information will really help you find peace with your emotions.
Feeling Emotion Is A-OK
In the past emotions went from being shoved under the carpet to being overly indulged in, to the point of wallowing in self-pity. It has only recently been accepted that feeling your emotions is OK and even necessary for mental health.
So regardless of where you are on the emotional acceptance scale, I want to dive into this topic because it is so important to your well-being, and mental health. Understanding your emotions really lays down the foundation to accepting who you are at any given stage of your journey.
If you like to read more detail about emotions and feelings, please download the free resource called “The Science Behind Stepping into You”
Introducing the Scale
Knowing where you are on the scale also shows you that ALL emotions are important and necessary to feel if you really want to heal and move forward.
It breaks down emotions very nicely into the different levels of responsibility, emotions, and associated thoughts. It is often used during coaching calls to help people see where they are at on the scale and where they want to go. When we are feeling our emotions, we often move up and down the scale and that is completely normal.
For example, one day you can feel on top of your world emotionally, and then someone says something to you that cuts right through to your core, and you slide back down a few notches. So never think of this scale as static, you will always move up and/or down it.
The goal in using this Emotional Scale is to become more consciously aware of your emotions and to slowly over time, try to work your way up the scale more than down it.
The Emotional Scale
|Level of Control||Responsibility||Emotions||Thoughts||Appearence|
|Full Control||It’s MY doing that things are good||
||I can do it! I WILL do it! I can’t wait to get out there and do it! I
love myself! I love my life!
|It’s FATE’S doing that things are good||
||Things can get better. Good things do happen in the world. If other
people can do it, maybe so can I.
|It’s FATE’S fault things are bad||
||Bad things just happen. That’s just the way it is. The world is a bad
place. Might as well accept it.
|It’s THEIR fault things are bad||
||It’s all their fault. If other people weren’t so selfish, I could have
more. Why does nobody care about me.
|It’s MY fault that things are bad||
||It’s all my fault. Nobody loves me because I am unlovable. There’s
nothing I can do. I hate myself.
When you observe something/anything and put your attention to it, you suddenly become more aware and more conscious of it. Emotions are no different. Your emotions are like a feedback loop, that tells you just how aligned you are with the real you. The worse you feel, the more out of alignment you are with YOU.
If you are the type of person who is generally in a good feeling place with minimal upsets, then you probably won’t need to understand this emotional scale. You are obviously tapped into who you are and are already feeling your emotions and realigning yourself to feel better. In essence, you are listening to your inner guidance system. Fantastic!
If, however, you feel angry, frustrated, grief, jealousy, constant depression or overwhelmed much of the time, then the following explanation of the Emotional Scale should help.
Overview of the Emotional Scale
Our emotions can be mapped out on this emotional scale which goes from total despair up to the highest point, total joy. At the top of the scale, you will be feeling authentic and genuine happiness, joy, empowerment, freedom, passion, enthusiasm, and eagerness.
Think of children playing in the park or together. When we were young, and before we were programmed to control our emotions and feel bad about some of them, we were all joyful, and truly happy beings.
At the upper end of the scale, you are eager to start each day. You think positive and empowered thoughts such as, “I can do it”, “I will do it?”, “I can’t wait to get out there to do it”, “I love myself”, and “I love my life.” “I’m so grateful for the people in my life.”
Now I know that for some this might seem like an impossible stage of emotional bliss to attain, but trust me, it is possible, just not overnight. Slowly, slowly you can get yourself up the scale.
At the other opposite end of the scale, you are feeling completely powerless and you feel you have no control over your life. Things seem to always happen to you, you feel like a victim. You feel vulnerable, afraid, depressed and unworthy. This is the place of self-loathing and fear. It doesn’t get any worse than this.
Moving up the Scale
Let’s say you are feeling low, like right down there at the bottom of the scale. You would love to feel joyful, empowered, happy to be alive, eager to start each day, but that is just so far from your reality, it makes you even more miserable just thinking about it.
Well, you are correct there is no way you can get from where you are now to joy and total happiness, all in one go. There are far too many levels to work through instantly, it ain’t gonna happen unless you get some incredible spiritual bolt of lightning that rocks your world.
So you are correct, but wait you can get there slowly and by taking it a level at a time. You can even skip a level or two, but the motto here is slow but sure. Melody Fletcher calls this the turtle power method. Slow but sure and steady.
Starting at the Bottom
When you are at the bottom of the scale, you tend to turn on yourself, you tend to also turn negative thoughts towards yourself and that only makes you feel worse because it isn’t who you really are.
It is a total lie, that you are worthless. There is no worse feeling on this planet than when we deny ourselves, hate ourselves and deny our truth.
So you are at the bottom. Time to start telling yourself some real truths, that you can believe right here and now. For example, blaming others for your life is actually more empowering than feeling shame, so allow yourself to blame… just don’t get stuck there too long.
Keep working on slowly but steadily, getting further up the scale.
And remember, the universe is always working in your favour. Always supporting you to feel better. Like a cork in water, it will always float up no matter how long and hard you try to keep it down.
You just have to give it a little chance and stop beating up on yourself. Read my “Stepping into You Starter Kit”, for more tips and strategies on how to start loving yourself again.
If you are the bottom of the scale, then there is a feeling that feels better and is totally attainable for you right now. That is anger, which is the next emotion up the scale. So now instead of beating up on yourself, you beat up on someone else (hypothetically speaking). You can blame others, rant and rave about how they let you down, about how you expected more from them. Vent and let it all out, have a really good anger release. Read “What is Anger and How do you have a Good Healthy Anger Release?”)
Do not actually act on these suggestions, otherwise, you could slide back down the scale again, but you certainly have a right to feel your anger fully. Give yourself permission to hate the world, blame your family, your friends.
Expressing anger won’t make you feel good, but you will feel better. Stay here until you start to feel better, you want that anger out. Punch a boxing bag or a pillow, cry, get hysterical if you have to, go for a walk, just get it all out.
Moving from the bottom of the scale to anger is a HUGE step because it stops you from beating up on yourself. I have only one rule that runs through all my work and that is you are never allowed to hate yourself. That emotion is just so not true and that is why it feels so bad. So well done, you got yourself out of that lowest level emotion into something better (anger). Way to go!!
Once you are stable with your anger, you can then look at the next higher up levels of emotion, which are frustration, doubt, worry or pessimism. Your language will be softer now. Instead of saying I always, or they always… you say instead, I sometimes or they sometimes… and ‘everyone’ becomes ‘some people’, ‘all’ becomes ‘a few’. Things start feeling less horrible and more hopeful, bit by bit. Remember the power of turtle power!
Yah!!! making it here is progress indeed. You may not stay long here, in fact, many people fly by this step entirely. However, some people do get stuck here too long and get hoe hum about life in general. This feels like boredom.
You are not really feeling good or bad or anything really. This stage is the basis for much better feelings to come. It means you cleared out the anger, the frustrations, and you have worked through those feelings.
If anything keeps coming back up from your previous work, there is no shame in going back and releasing more negative feelings. Sometimes, our emotions are layered on top of each other and it will take several focused release sessions to fully release all the layers. Just keep reminding yourself that you will get through this, that those uncomfortable emotions are guiding you to better feelings and towards finding your true self.
Feeling More Positive
Once you are here, it isn’t difficult to reach true happiness, you are well on your way now. You have built a lot of positive momentum now, you will likely find it easier to work through your shit. You will start feeling very good as you move into your power and who you really are.
The universe is truly speaking to you now, and you know it, you feel it. If recurring upsets set you back, just know that those are triggers you obviously need to release at deeper levels, and you are now ready to do that.
Often at this stage, you may find recurring issues that keep morphing under the same theme. Family issues often have many layers of healing and they go deep, so do not be surprised if now the same issue keeps coming up just in a different form.
Just give it attention like all the other emotions, work through it. You can now start asking the universe for guidance, then let it go and always reach for better feeling thoughts around the issue.
Consciously healing and moving up the scale
You can start this journey at any place on the scale and is really there only to help you get more aware and conscious about your own healing. All healing starts with you. Take it slow as you feel your way through all the emotions that are going to be coming up. Remember you have probably been burying your emotions most of your life, so it is going to take some time to work through them.
Also, know that you have the power of the universe on your side and you will be amazed at how fast you can heal yourself once you get through the first couple of heavy layers.
You don’t have to get through everything to heal, just deal with what comes up, in that order, and get out of the way. This is not the time to make a plan and over think about strategies…. just feel and heal and know that you have the power to feel better and change your emotions at any time.
You are truly in control!
Are you stuck in a particular area of the emotional scale? Need help moving forward? Do you have any questions about understanding the scale?
Please share below if this blog is helpful. I have found that as long as you are moving upwards, albeit slowly – and sometiems you may slip backwards a little – but as long as the general trend is north, you are doing great.
(Photo courtesy: Ryan McGuire, www.StockSnap.io)