Have you ever expressed your anger in front of other people and been shut down?
Do you ever feel guilty about your anger release and so you shut yourself down?
If left unresolved, your anger will grow into a dark black monster that has the potential to seriously hurt you and the people you love.
Furthermore, most people don’t mean to shut you down on purpose, it’s just that they also have misunderstandings about what anger is.
If you are like a lot of people, you may not even feel comfortable releasing your anger on other people. I for one, have to be really angry at someone before I actually scream and yell at them. More often than not, I hide away and stew over things for days before I express my anger. In fact, I have even held onto unhealthy anger for years. Not good!
Here are THREE Easy Steps to Having a Good Healthy Anger Release.
I have spoken in a previous post about What is Anger and How Do You Have a Good Healthy Anger Release? and talked about how to constructively release your anger while being completely alone (away from other people). I have decided to keep this topic separate because it requires some well thought out skills before embarking on it.
It is extremely rare for someone to have grown up in a family that accepts anger as a healthy natural part of feeling and releasing emotion. Instead, anger is often shut down as being inappropriate and harmful. In my own family, my parents never allowed me to express my anger. I grew up, like many people, holding it in, turning it on myself, and even feeling really guilty when I did actually get to the point of screaming and yelling.
In our dealings with other people and especially in close, intimate relationships, held in anger can have a catastrophic impact on our connection with other people.
I, like many people, have had partners that would make my anger about them, take it personally and I end up apologizing while all I needed was a healthy anger release! This pattern is no good at all for the longevity of the relationship!
Misunderstanding and misplaced anger can have terrible effects on relationships. So it is definitely worth spending some time on learning how to handle anger in a healthy way and how to do this with other people.
Step 1: Provide all involved parties with whom you are going to be open about anger with, with a good understanding of what anger is all about. Be sure they understand why it is not good to shut someone down while they are having a release. Remind everyone that this anger release is about YOU, not them. This is a very difficult concept for many people to accept. In my experience, the only person I ever felt I could have a healthy anger release with was a professional trained precisely in this area of expertise.
Step 2: Talk about how you FEEL. Do not get off track and talk about what they did wrong. Blaming this person or others is not the way to deal with your anger, it will only make things worse. If someone truly hurt you and you must discuss it, then deal with them one-on-one, after you have had a healthy anger release.
Ask this person if you can get angry in their presence. Remember the anger you are feeling is not about them really, they have simply triggered something in you, the issue is with you and you need to get it out.
If they shut you down the instance you start to show your anger, take time out and talk with them when you both feel calmer. Explain to them that you need to get angry, everyone does, releasing anger is a healthy healing process and is not about them. If they try to make you feel guilty or try to make it about them, or they try to shut you down tell them that will only make things worse.
Respect that your partner may not be able to detach from your anger even though they know it isn’t about them. Maybe you are triggering something in them by your anger, which is something they need to think about and feel through. At any rate respect, that and have your anger release somewhere else and not in their presence.
Step 3: Take ownership of your anger and know you have a right to have a healthy anger release. No one has the right to stop you from having an anger release providing your are not taking your anger out on them. Anyone close to you needs to allow you to have an anger release and vice versa.
The person with whom you are having an anger release with has boundaries too, and if you cross the boundary and make your anger about them, you are no longer taking responsibility for your own emotions.
The point of having a healthy anger release with someone else is to practice your right and the process of allowing and feeling your anger. It is all part of allowing and connecting with your emotions (see Science Behind Stepping Into You Free download).
When you are truly more comfortable having your anger release in front of other people and they understand the importance of allowing you your anger to be released, you will find that the people in your life will start to be more allowing of you in general.
Communication with them will improve, trust can be built because at the core of this you are being who you are and allowing others to see the real you.
A well-executed anger release is perhaps the most healing process anyone can go through. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anger, it is just some of the ways we express it that can be damaging.
Practice this process, of expressing your anger in a constructive way and watch as your world changes and shifts for the better.
I swear there is nothing more liberating than knowing and taking responsibility for your own shit! anger and all…
Leave me a comment if you found this helpful, or if you have struggled with releasing anger in an authentic way, or if you have tried this and have seen and felt the shift in energy to something bigger and better in your life – Oh Yah!