Do you feel like an Outsider in Your own Family?

Have you struggled with being accepted by the very people you love?

Do you often wonder how and why you ended up in the situations you are in?

Have you felt the stinging pain of rejection from your own family and tribe?

Are you a loner, non-conformer, live on the outside of the mainstream, think outside the box, are alternative, different?

Do you simply not fit into ‘normal’ situations?

If any of this resonates with you then this blog is for you!

Welcome Dear Outsiders

I don’t know exactly when I officially became an Outsider. I believe it started very early in my life, like when I was 4. At least that was when I started noticing that I somehow, just didn’t fit into the world I was born into.

When we are toddlers our family is our entire world and so we accept their view as our own.

As we grow up we start to realize there are a lot of other situations we don’t ‘fit into’ either. The things you do fit into, are well… different…

As our world expands to include a much wider range of other environments and people outside of our family we start to realize that our family is not everything. Our identity outside of family is often actually healthier than what our family perceives as our identity.

But what if you stay close to your family? What if you are constantly exposed to their judgements? What if you can’t get away from their critical views and beliefs about you? What if they are relentless in making their view of what you should or shouldn’t be – your problem (and not theirs). What if you grow up forever locked in that small crippling world of nonacceptance?

Well that is a living hell!

And…. if you are an unwanting outsider or an outsider by default, then you will know what I am talking about and it really sucks big time.

It feels so cruel, like a sentence without a cause… like discrimination without reason… and now I will be really dramatic and go so far as to say… like a death without love or remorse.

The people around you make it very clear in quietly and ever so subtly yet stinging ways that you… yes YOU! are unacceptable just as you are!

And you somehow, deep down inside believe the lie because it all started such a long time ago. Like when you were so very young it all started way back then and when… yes when you saw the world as a wonderful accepting place.

That is where the fantasy ends!

The Reality of Being an Outsider

There are two types of Outsiders. One is a chosen path the other isn’t.

I never chose to be an Outsider. I chose to live my life the way I decide but I never chose to be an Outsider. Perhaps you have experienced the same situation?

When people close to you don’t like your lifestyle choices and they impose their beliefs on you, you have two choices, conform or rebel. But if you rebel, which you will do eventually, you are really not a rebel, you are instead put in an unfortunate no-win situation where any deviation from what is expected of you is viewed as ‘wrong’.

You will have to reevaluate your choices. In the end, you realize that their opinion of you is so much smaller than who you really are.

So continue on your way and break away from the tribe. You won’t be leaving, You will simply move on.

There you go!

You’re on the outside of ‘their’ world.

It will feel strangely rebellious but you will be free.

It isn’t easy continuing on your way when you first take off. But to stay behind being trapped in someone else’s ‘opinion’ of you is far worse. There is, therefore, only one way to go.

You know they want you to buckle under, you know they want you to conform…and yet if you stay true blue to you, if you don’t allow them to break your spirit, the pressure becomes so great that something has to break.

The Reality is this: either you allow them to break your spirit or you break the need to be accepted by them.

The Beauty of Being on the Outside

Your family is not everyone. Your family is hardly the sum of all your relationships. And often it is only one family member who instigates the wrath of judgement against another.

People, at their worst seem to love a witch hunt. People love a common enemy. Someone else to gossip about, someone to make the other family members feel better about themselves by putting someone else down.

If you are in the situation of being an Outsider there is nothing you can do to change their view of you. Once you have been black listed you will be an easy target for any future opinions, judgements, BS.

So dear Outsider, you know better than anyone how much it hurts. It hurts a lot. It breaks families apart, breaks hearts and those doing the judging just keep on judging.

The only thing you can do is pull up your socks and get on with your life.. Sure you will always love them. You can forgive them but you will likely never forget. And there is nothing you can ever do to change them.

BUT! now you have complete control of how you are going to live your life. So embrace the beautiful you, the wild, woolly, crazy, rebel, nonconformist that you are perceived to be and live the life you were meant to live.

Let those that judge you stew. Let them wonder why you are not there with them. Let them never be able to judge you again in your presence and boldly be who you are, faults, warts, issues and all. Believe me, your issues are far less than theirs.

A Brighter Path Awaits…

Never look back. Burn your trail and be who you are. Bravely be who you know in your heart you should be. Whatever it was that made you an Outsider, it is irrelevant… you don’t need to know why. You don’t need to atone for what you supposedly did or didn’t do.

Forget their opinions of you, because unbeknownst to them, YOU are not the problem.

In fact, there is no problem. You are who you are, beautiful and FREE!

They pushed you to wake up… so quietly thank them for pushing you and teaching you what it means to really fly!

Please share your thoughts below. If you are an outsider I’d love to hear from you. Can you relate to this? And if you think someone you know would benefit from reading this blog, please share it.

Blessings to All Outsiders! Your are not alone.

Darice

XO

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