Hey to all the men out there, I’m gonna let you in on a few secrets.
These are secrets that women tend to keep to themselves.
I’m sharing this because I know you guys try your best to give your woman what she wants. But at times it either falls short or your best efforts fall totally off the mark.
Listen up and be wiser for it and watch it transform your relationship.
It isn’t easy being in a relationship, with the opposite or the same sex… whatever way you like to dice it. Sure it goes amazingly well in the beginning, but when the fire dies down, reality sets in.
It is super easy to get complacent. Easy to let things go.
Being in a relationship long-term means being more than you ever thought you could be AND giving it more than your fair share.
Now, some would say I am the last person on earth to be giving advice in this department.
I have certainly had my share of failed relationships, but I do see that as a plus in that I have been through many an intimate relationship, and certainly reflected upon every single one of them. I’ve been shitty to some and my partners have had their hay days too. All in all, I speak from experience.
In this blog, I am assuming that your woman is as committed to the relationship as you are… (maybe more)
Ok so here it is …. In order of importance…
1) Gotta Seriously Want Her!
Don’t be with someone unless you really love them. Hell yeah! You give up a lot to be with someone. You have to live with them 24/7. You share your life with them. You share finances and everything from body fluids and families to toothpaste. You better be sure you love this person lots!
If you are in it to keep yourself entertained or because you don’t like to be alone, or for easy sex, think again my friend. You will be on a road to disaster and unhappiness. And it is challenging to get out of a relationship authentically, once you initiate it and especially if you married into the bond. Hell yeah… be sure this is the one!
Whether you live with someone or marry them, it doesn’t really matter, be sure they are worth you giving up a huge chunk of your personal freedom!
2) Physical Attraction is Important… and needs to be nurtured throughout the years to follow.
For long-term intimacy, you will have to work at it. At first, it is easy, you love this person you are attracted to them, you can’t ever imagine wanting or desiring anyone else. BUT reality does strike at some point. And that is the wake-up call to get smart. Don’t be tempted to take the easy road and leave or be tempted by another relationship.
So, guys don’t make love to your woman unless you are 100% there. Make love to her fully and completely. That is the sexiest thing EVER! When a woman knows her man desires her – wow!
Desire is a very powerful impetus to amazing, lasting intimacy. Keep it fresh, keep it interesting, keep it REAL and your woman will stand by your side through and through.
3) Know the Deal Breakers
Gotta know what these are! Your woman should know what her deal breakers are… ask her… if she doesn’t know work on this together. You each will have deal breakers that will literally break your bond if the line is crossed. I’m totally serious here!
You know, things that are irreparable once they happen. So best to get these out of the closet.
Examples of the types of things some woman I know, who have found these to be deal breakers:
- Being rude, drunk or inappropriate in public
- Being a lousy lover
- Not having any idea what turns their woman on
- Being too engaged in work, friends, kids or anything else outside of the relationship
- Hygiene issues
- Forgetting important dates like her birthday, anniversaries…
- Bashing her family and/or friends
- Not really listening during critical discussions, like in the morning or after the evening meal.. checking out during intimate discussions
- Not taking responsibility for personal finances
- Chronic lying
I’m not giving license to women to be spoiled brats, but there will be one or two desires that are the ultimate deal breakers for her and all the other stuff she can live with.
Get to know what the deal breakers are!
If you are too tired to consider any of this …you should rethink your life in a committed relationship. If you give your all to your job or to other people, time to rethink or you could be looking at the beginning of the end.
4) Know What She Desires and Give it to Her Full On!
Every woman has one or two deep desires that are REALLY important to her, and that will bring her to you on her knees (metaphorically speaking of course!). I am totally serious about this! It is so simple… once you figure this out.
You gotta find out what her desire is ok!
Figure out what her desires are, she has likely tried to communicate it to you but you have not been listening or you think it is ‘silly’. If there is one way to quickly be the biggest turn off ever, is to think your woman’s desires are ‘silly’ or not important. Big mistake!
If you want a lasting relationship, figure out her deepest desires… it is very likely she knows yours already and if there is a distance in the relationship it is very likely you have been ignoring this key element of happy long-term relationships.
5) Be Honest and REAL
Remember the first point “Gotta Seriously Want Her!” You gotta be in this because you love this woman. You are not in it for the sex, for the money, for the companionship, or to make you feel better.
Think about this, IF your woman walked out on you today… how would you feel? Seriously. Would you go into victim and poor me? Would you let her go and say well that was fun at the time? Would you be pissed off and hate her guts? Imagine yourself in the worst case scenario.
Do you blame her and not look at yourself?
Relationships are two way. Be honest about why you are in the relationship and the man you are in it. Do you give your partner your full attention at least once a day? If this is too much to ask maybe long-term relationships are not for you and so don’t be surprised or play the victim when things go south… and worse case scenario… she leaves.
Be forewarned… things always go south before D-Day! It always amazes me when men say, “I didn’t see it coming!” Wow, REALLY?
No matter how wonderful you feel you have been, she left for a reason. You loved her for a reason.
6) Be Confident in Yourself
The BIGGEST turn off ever is a jealous man! (and incidentally vice versa). Especially if your woman has given you no reason what-so-ever to mistrust her.
Wanna kill the passion in a split second? Doubt her love, doubt her time, give her the third degree when she comes home after a night out, make jokes about her finding someone else, make sick jokes about her friends… yah I hope you get the idea.
Even if you have done all of THE ABOVE (points 1-5)… YOU WILL KILL THE PASSION in a split second… if you are a jealous man.
Sort yourself out man!
What the heck is YOUR problem?
Being jealous is so creepy, it is putting your shit onto your woman. Want more info on this read my blog on being a Real Man.
It advertises loud and clear what an insecure man you really are.
If your woman doesn’t walk away when you voice jealousy, she is enabling the behaviour and that is bad for both of you!
You need to think good and hard WHY you are in this relationship. If you are a jealous person there is some need you are trying to fill, and it ain’t healthy.
I hope you found this blog useful. It is always better to know the demon before it strikes.
This is serious stuff. Too many potentially good relationships fall because these things were not considered or discussed or even realised. If you love someone, and they love you, do everything you can to make it last.
I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with making a deep long lasting relationship work.