Are you a man trying to find your place in the world today?
Have you been confused about your role as a man in this world?
Do your loved ones push you to be something you are not, causing frustration and an internal crisis?
What is your role as a husband, father, lover, boyfriend, worker, or leader? If you have struggled with this, read on.
What does it take to be a REAL man in the 21st century?
What is the Role of Man Today?
Boundaries have gotten fuzzy, expectations and roles for men have changed, and messages can be mixed and confusing.
All of this leaves men wondering what it means to be a real man in the 21st century. What is your place in this ever-changing world?
You have a lot of expectations placed upon your shoulders. Yet there are no clearly defined rules, guidelines or even support, let alone good role models out there to help you be the man you desire to be.
70 years ago it was much clear the role of man in life, but today, the lines are blurry, challenged and changing. So what does it take to be a real man today?
What does it mean to be a real man in the 21st century?
Blogger Aralwin Pilon writes that “To be a man, you have to be a mature version of a person with a Y chromosome. And everything you don’t develop doesn’t mature. If you are a man and haven’t been taking care of one or more of these terrains, you can be sure that the corresponding side of you is immature.”
I wrote this blog from a woman’s perspective. I use some of Pilon’s blog as a guide and add in some of my thoughts. His input is shown with a checkmark.
So let’s get to it!
1. Be Fearless √
Being fearless does not mean being without fear; being brave means admitting your fears and going beyond them. A real man is not in denial of his worries, holding up a mask of invulnerability, but is willing to face his fears and work on them. He dares to do things that frighten him when the situation calls for it. A real man knows that the path towards fearlessness is endless. (from Aralwin Pilon’s blog) Agreed
2. Is Honest and Truthful
Honesty and being truthful is a potent quality in this day and age. Honesty builds integrity, respect and trust. Integrity is the manifestation of living an honest and balanced life. Respect and trust are the manifestations of integrity.
A real man who lives with integrity has the respect and trust of his loved ones. People can and will trust his word, and that is an honour not easily gained today. A real man also lives with a strong set of values and principles and will stand up for these with unwavering dedication.
Revealing your own personal truth can only be done when you can be brutally honest with yourself.
Honesty is not about cutting people down and shaming them. That shows weakness and a power-hungry attitude that thrives on being better than others. A real man’s honesty comes from within himself and comes from his heart and soul. It transforms rather than breaks down.
3. Live, Speak and Listen From the Heart. √
A real man doesn’t hide his feelings and intentions. He is not afraid to be gentle nor afraid to be sad. A real man who is in touch with his emotions can express them. He dares to live his dream and offers the space to listen to others compassionately. They know that you learn more when you talk less and listen more. (from Aralwin Pilon’s blog) Agreed
4. Own Your Anger √
A real man’s anger is transformed into masculine compassion, and he can be angry, decisive and courageous. Anger serves his presence and the presence of others. It is not humiliating, destructive or self-consuming. The latter happens when a man is a slave of his passion; that’s the anger of the coward trying to overcompensate for his feelings of inferiority. This is just as sad as a man wholly disconnected from his rage. He becomes emasculated and has no power at all. Other men don’t take him seriously. (from Aralwin Pilon’s blog). Agreed
Follow your dance with anger that will tell you your greatest fears.
5. Sees Through Mistruths
A real man can cut to the truth of most issues. He fights his own battles and takes responsibility for all he creates in his life. He doesn’t try to be something he is not, wiser than he is, or shrink so that others feel better. A real man is also aware of his weaknesses in character and embraces them rather than deny them.
He knows there is always work to do on oneself, and he is willing to listen and learn from others and seek help when needed. He is not afraid to speak out in public and is passionate about letting others have an equal voice in resolutions and disputes.
Real men understand that issues are NOT solely about them; they, therefore, keep their eye on the bigger picture while having their finger on the pulse of situations.
6. Is not Afraid to be Vulnerable √
A coward is always trying to hide his weak spots; a real man works on them. He is willing and able to reveal himself even amid the pain, and he is not afraid to be vulnerable. By opening up in every moment, he is continuously practicing his courage. It’s his way of defeating his cowardice. (from Aralwin Pilon’s blog) Agreed
To be vulnerable is to be a human – being; there is no shame in that.
8. Make Love Passionately √
A real man does not hold back. When he makes love, he opens up to all his rawness and all his tenderness and gives his woman everything he has got. He does not shy away from intimacy. A real man can penetrate his woman so hard and deeply that she can feel that he is entering her soul. He aims for her heart. In a real man’s hands, a woman will feel like a queen and a porn star simultaneously. (from Aralwin Pilon) Agreed
9. Be Physically and Mentally Strong
This man is not easy to upset or manipulate. His interior and exterior self are secure and in balance. He works out either in martial arts, sports, yoga, weights, or other physical activity that pushes his body to overcome adversity and strengthen his muscles and mind.
A real man establishes a balance between body, mind and spirit.
10. Has a Sense of Humour (don’t take yourself so seriously) √
If you can’t laugh at your own follies, you are taking life way too seriously.
Real men hold both the utter importance and the utter unimportance of life at the same time. He can see his failures and flaws and joke about them. Since he knows his self-image is just an image, he feels no need to defend that image. A tense situation can be uplifted with a joke, but he isn’t the immature joker that abuses humour as a tool for escaping intimacy or sabotaging intensity. A real man can light up the room. A real man embraces life. (from Aralwin Pilon’s blog) Agreed
11. Spiritually Tapped In & Tuned In √
A real man knows that the physical world is full of drama and that his real power lies in the depths of the inner world of self and the invisible world of consciousness. He knows that people are much more than what you see, yet few know this about themselves. Outside occurrences of life are part of life but not all of life. A real man doesn’t fixate on drama or take circumstances personally. He cares more about inner balance and strength than outer strength.
His strength comes from experience, and he has likely lost everything material at least once in his life. He weighs advice carefully, and he uses his power respectfully. He has a daily practice of spiritual pilgrimage that includes deep inner reflection, and that power radiates throughout his inner and outer world.
12. Self Assured
A real man knows himself well; he has lived a full life, made mistakes, lost battles, and won some. He doesn’t keep a score of wins or loses. Rather he understands that life is a journey, a process that gets better yet more challenging the more you engage in it. A real man is always open to grow and learn more.
Strength and personal power come from the most unsuspecting souls.
Last but not least, a note about Money
Many men think that the size of their bank account defines their success. Money can make you feel powerful, and when it is used and managed properly, it can bring much support to others. However, hoarding wealth is obsessive behaviour and is a sign of weakness.
Real men don’t put money before their family or loved ones. If money possesses you, you are a slave to its power. Addiction to money blinds you to the REAL power that can only come from WITHIN yourself.
When money controls you, you forfeit your ability to build internal strength and integrity as a real man.
Real Men Radiate Congruent Powerful Energy
A real man is super attractive to women. It is no wonder why they make great leaders, whether that is a leader in their own life, within their family, community, business, country or beyond.
But! Not all leaders are real men; in fact, very few are. Too many leaders hide behind the power of their positions and wreak havoc on the people their say they support and lead.
Being REAL is not about upholding a label or an accolade. It’s about being congruent in ALL that you say, do and feel. If you are not congruent, everyone around you will see and feel it. But few will challenge you or tell you.
This is the thing… your team or tribe will unintentionally let you believe your own lies until you self implode and fall from grace. So perhaps the MOST important quality of being a REAL man is this;
Know that you are only as powerful as the people around you; it’s never just about YOU!
Be thoughtful and reflective in all that you say and do.
If you can stand strong in yourself, you will be someone other people will respect, support and be honoured to be around.
Read the blog on the qualities of a REAL woman aligned to the powers of the feminine energy.
(Thank you for the cover Photo, Jens Lindner on Unsplash)